Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Billy Roll

There are quite a number of problems I have with Billy Roll…above the fact that it is gelatinous, processed and tasteless of course.

Not content with being an insult to anything you might choose to introduce to your digestive system, it actually has the bare faced cheek to grin maniacally right back at you.

As if it knows somehow, that if you are unfortunate enough to find yourself eating it, things really must have gotten to a low point in your life. “Sorry Kids, Mammy’s spent all the shopping money on Gin, again”. Billy is lovin it!

No, my biggest problem with Billy Roll, I guess, is more of an etiquette thing. As you know, Billy Roll is made of reconstituted turkey and pork. You see, the Turkey and Pig never knew each other while alive, but have been united in death as a jovial luncheon meat.

I would just really appreciate it if the Farmer or whoever would act as a kind of penultimate match maker and arrange maybe a blind date for both the animals beforehand.

You never know, the Pig and Turkey might discover they have the same taste in music or that their parents went to school together. Both would then, I’m sure, happily skip arm in arm to the slaughterhouse together, excited about becoming a grinning cylinder of flesh on a deli counter somewhere.

I think then Billy Roll’s smile might actually be a genuine expression of the sentiment that went into making it.

1 comment:

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